I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
