Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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