So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
