It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize