If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
