Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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