Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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