There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
