Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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