Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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