oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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