she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
