I think I died a long time ago.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize