He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
