She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
