in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We need a shit load of segways right now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
