The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
