Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize