The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
