I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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