is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
