Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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