she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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