Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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