I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is it because I queefed?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
