made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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