I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
