Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
