you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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