he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize