you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you bring me the toilet please
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
