apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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