I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
