I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
