I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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