so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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