when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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