discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
