Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
