i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
