blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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