Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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