And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
