I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
