i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
