marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
