no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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