Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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