so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
