So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
