I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
