So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
