Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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