Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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