we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
