In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
