My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
