I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
