With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
