pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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