i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
