the condom got lost in my hair
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
