You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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