this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize