I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
