If i come over, it means nothing
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
