I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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