lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
