god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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