I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
