I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Boobs speak an international language.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
