i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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